I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
