It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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