so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
