the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
