I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to make out with him forever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
