You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
