cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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