i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
