Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize