I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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