You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
