we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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