I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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