Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i will never coherently bang her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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