the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
