Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
