I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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