Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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