TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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