i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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