The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
