Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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