I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
