I want to walk on stilts...naked
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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