She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
