What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
