im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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