he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
