He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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