Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
