I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
