HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
