You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
