He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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