That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
