remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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