is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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