I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
