i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
