Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
