kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
