I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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