I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
