That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
