Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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