if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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