I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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