Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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