your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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