I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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