Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
