Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
