GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
