think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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