Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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