wakey wakey hands off snakey
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
