That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
