Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
