did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
