I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
