I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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