just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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