I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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