So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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