I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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