What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
