so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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